I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
