My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
