u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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