Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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