If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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