First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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