I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
