I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
