I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
