Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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