my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
