i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
