I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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