i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
