Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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