so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
