I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
