i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
