So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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