There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
