Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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