Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
