Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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