I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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