Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
