Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
