After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
