i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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