I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
