Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He passed out mid-signature
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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