she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So vagazzling was a success
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
