Me too!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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