we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
