I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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