so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
