my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
