Just cropdusted the office
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
