It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
