i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize