She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
