Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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