I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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