No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
