Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
