I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
