Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
