i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
