Apparently you make a good broom.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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