I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
