so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
