Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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