The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize