she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
