Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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