i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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