don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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