but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
