i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
