dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
