yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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